Messy Middlescence

Like adolescence – "Middlescence" is a time of tremendous change touching most aspects of our lives. There are the physical and hormonal changes but also many of the rhythms, relationships and frameworks that have dominated our lives for decades all start to shift in ways that are unbalancing at best – seismic at worst. Our podcast will explore the challenges and opportunities of these unique “middle” years. However – ours will be different because it is one of sharing, exploring and figuring things out together. It is "messy" because we do not have answers but we hope to discover some. We hope to motivate and / or guide listeners to actively change both their perspective and day-to-day reality of this unique time. We also aim to create a supportive connected community of listeners with similar struggles and questions. We truly hope you will join us!

Latest episodes

11 July 2024

Timeless Happiness - Part 5

In the final episode of their debut season of Messy Middlescence, Tara and Tina conclude the Timeless Happiness series they have presented for the past few episodes.

Here they return to the “5 Essential Elements of Well Being” and focus on the ones that have not been explored in the previous episodes: Health (physical and mental); Social Relationships, and Community Engagement. Tara defines each of these remaining categories and discusses the possible and various ways to achieve them.

Tara reiterates the need to just start thinking about these – not just from a retirement planning perspective – but for anyone seeking a change in their life for the better.

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26 June 2024

Al Conti - His Retirement Story

If you are a regular Messy Middlescence listener – you have by now met many members of the extended Conti family. In this episode you will meet Tina and Tara’s father, Al Conti.

Al went through middlescence some time ago (he is 81) but Tara and Tina found they often referred to their father as they discussed retirement – particularly in the previous Timeless Happiness episodes. They realized that their parents exemplify many of the lessons Tara shares and discusses in her Timeless Happiness classes.

By focusing on Al’s retirement story (their mother declined to be interviewed), many of the challenges and joys of retirement that have been theoretically discussed in the Timeless Happiness episodes are brought to life.

Al shares his wisdom and experiences to detail a retirement journey that, while still ongoing, has successfully moved through the different phases of retirement and overcome many of the typical issues. Through careful planning AND being open to some unexpected occurrences, Al and Tori created a retirement that fulfilled some of their lifelong dreams, reflects their values, and makes them happy.

Tina and Tara discuss with Al:

His initial vision of retirement and how this changed;
His and Tori’s dream of building/designing their own home;
The importance of easing into a new home and community;
The difficulties of downsizing;
His decision to go back to work as a consultant 18 months after retiring;
The importance of hobbies and staying busy;
The motivation and planning behind their move into a Continuing Care Community;
His words of wisdom including to be patient, accept that change (despite meticulous planning) is inevitable, and why he does not worry.

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29 May 2024

Timeless Happiness - Part 3

In class #3 of the Timeless Happiness series, Tara and Tina take on the topics of money and finances. Tara puts on her “financial planner hat” and walks us through the importance of effectively managing our economic life and the role of finances in our overall well-being. If you are hoping for hard numbers and figures — hold onto that hope for a future episode - because this episode concentrates more on the emotional side of money and finances.

Tara challenges us to consider our personal priorities and values in viewing our financial situations. She stresses the need for a healthy and balanced relationship with money that allows us to both enjoy the present AND plan for the future. She reminds us that money should be viewed as a tool that helps us do the things we want in life.

Tara ends the episode by introducing the “3 essential questions” by George Kinder to help change our perspective about the importance of money in our lives and its role in our happiness. This episode hopefully makes us look at money differently and helps us re-evaluate our relationship with it.

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15 May 2024

Pondering the Next Chapter with Matthew Donovan

On today’s episode, we talk to Matt Donovan, the husband of co-host Tina Donovan. Tina has spoken quite frequently throughout our previous episodes about her marriage and her husband. In this episode, we hear Matt discuss, in his own words, his middlescence journey which has been defined by his desire for change and for more time.

In this episode we discuss with Matt the following:

- His lifelong curiosity, his passion for exploration and his eagerness to try new things
- Reflections on his personal and professional achievements
- The struggles of these last years of his career
- The impact of his parent’s midlife strife on his teenage years and his own middlescence experience
- The tension between wanting to leave the corporate world and the concern for financial security and healthcare
- The need to not take life too seriously and to give oneself time to explore and grow
- His hopes of pursuing his neglected interests of travel, painting and playing music

We hope you enjoy putting “a voice to Matt’s name” and hearing his perspectives on many of the middlescence milestones.

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30 April 2024

Timeless Happiness - Part 2

In this episode of Messy Middlescence, Tina and Tara share their insights from the second timeless happiness class. They share their experiences with the homeplay exercises, highlighting the challenges and eye-opening moments they encountered.

They discuss trying to design ideal weeks for retirement, including the influence of a spouse or partner, free time availability, and shifting from a Monday to Friday routine. They also emphasize the importance of adapting structures, different seasons, and being open to new possibilities in the next phase of life.

They explore the concept of ikigai and finding purpose. Additionally, they delve into the power of contribution and leveraging your knowledge. The hosts encourage listeners to think about their ideal days and use journaling to explore their visions for the future. They emphasize the significance of considering the deathbed questions and living with purpose throughout the messy middle of life.

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17 April 2024

New Beginnings with Beth Nethem

Tara and Tina continue their recent focus on retirement and retirement planning by interviewing Beth Nemeth who is right on the cusp of retirement. If the previous episode left you feeling anxious that you have not started thinking about your retirement plans, this interview with Beth will hopefully ease some of that anxiety. It is important to realize that most people for various reasons don’t plan their retirement. And often, it comes upon them unexpectedly or abruptly. It is also true that for many us, we are so busy doing and living our life, that we don’t have the time, energy or bandwidth to plan our next phase.

The interview with Beth, in which she so courageously shares so much of herself and her story, portrays an extremely realistic journey to retirement. From her dedication to her job as a school counselor to concerns about her family's health, Beth reveals the layers of complexity that impact her decision to retire. Although the specifics of her retirement years are still unknown, Beth has strong values of family, personal growth and making a positive impact that will define and shape the specifics of her next chapter. Most importantly, Beth emphasizes the importance for patience, embracing change and self-reflection which are excellent lessons for anyone contemplating a big change.

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