As we continue to revisit some earlier episodes of Messy Middlescence this summer, we're bringing back an episode from Season #2 called "Little P's." It explores an idea that seems to keep showing up for us: maybe we don't need to figure out one big Purpose for our lives. Maybe we need to pay closer attention to the smaller things that interest us, bring us joy and are curious about.
Tara is currently reading Range by David Epstein, which explores the value of experimenting, trying different things and bringing knowledge and ideas from one area into another. It feels especially relevant today, when there is so much pressure to specialize early and become increasingly good at one particular thing. We encourage our kids to choose their sports, majors and careers, while as adults we can become increasingly comfortable just staying with what we already know and do well.
What if, instead, we allowed ourselves to experiment? Particularly during middlescence, when so much in our lives may already be changing, perhaps we don't need to have everything figured out before deciding what comes next. We can try small things, notice what gives us energy and joy, and use that information to guide us. Think of them as little life experiments.
In the original episode, Tara and Tina discuss a podcast episode from The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos about finding purpose. One of their biggest takeaways was the distinction between finding one big Purpose with a capital P and discovering the many little p purposes that can give our lives more meaning and joy.
Finding one big purpose can feel daunting and overwhelming. Instead, what if we paid attention to the things we enjoy doing, the things that make us lose track of time, or even the things we loved when we were younger? Our little p's don't have to change the world, become a career or make us money. They can simply be things that make our lives richer and more enjoyable.
In this episode, Tara and Tina discuss:
- letting go of the pressure to discover one singular purpose;
- paying attention to the activities, interests and people that fill us up rather than drain us;
- looking back at childhood interests for clues about what might still bring us joy;
- using the "spaghetti method" — trying different things and seeing what sticks;
- giving ourselves, and our children, permission to explore rather than specialize too quickly;
- finding ways to make room for our little p's even when work and other responsibilities consume much of our time.
Perhaps most importantly, we don't have to know where an interest will lead before we pursue it. We can take a class, try a new hobby, pick up the instrument, meet someone new or follow something simply because we're curious.
And then pay attention.
Did you enjoy it? Did it give you energy? Do you want to do it again?
Sometimes the best way to figure out what we want isn't to think about it more. It's to try something and see what happens.
What little life experiment(s) would you like to try?
