Chance Encounters and Brave Pivots with Steve Toman

What happens when the career you’ve built for 30 years suddenly and unexpectedly ends—and you’re not ready to retire?

In this episode of Messy Middlescence, we talk with our longtime friend Steve Toman about the unexpected turns of midlife and what it means to find purpose again. From mortgage banking to EMT training to smoking brisket at 4 a.m., Steve shares how listening to his interests opened up a whole new season of meaning, joy and contribution.

What shines most in this conversation is Steve’s unwavering love and admiration for his wife Kelly, his pride in their three daughters, and his desire to continue contributing—not just to a workplace, but to his community and family. His story is a reminder that the small choices, chance encounters, and brave pivots we make in midlife can have powerful, unexpected, and lasting impact.

Episode Highlights:

• Steve shares his winding journey from a global childhood and decades in mortgage banking to a fulfilling and unexpected midlife reinvention.
• He opens up about being downsized in his 50s, working through identity loss, and rediscovering purpose as an EMT volunteer and barbecue pitmaster.
• His deep love and admiration for his wife Kelly—and the strength of their partnership—shine through as he reflects on navigating life’s many transitions together.
• He discusses the emotional realities of retirement planning, letting go as his daughters grow up, and how staying active and engaged helps him feel useful and connected.
• Steve emphasizes the importance of both financial preparation and staying open to surprise—how a roadside sign or casual joke can spark a new chapter.
• He reflects on the legacy of his parents’ retirement planning and shares the values he hopes to pass on to his daughters.
• Travel, service, curiosity, and community emerge as key ingredients in Steve’s “semi-retirement”—a season of contribution, discovery, and unexpected joy.