Little p's

Questions such as “What is my purpose?” or “Why am I here” often gain importance as we age. These are big intimidating questions and the answers are unique for each individual. Many of our guests on Messy Middlescence have shared their own personal struggles and triumphs with these questions. Today, we discuss a different perspective on purpose which reframes "purpose" with a "little p" versus a "big P”. We at Messy Middlescence did not originate this idea of viewing purpose with a "little p," but it truly resonated with us.

So, it may seem a bit strange, but in our episode today we recommend and discuss a podcast separate from ours which we think does a great job confronting the questions of life purpose and meaning. The podcast is titled “The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos” and the episode we discuss is “How to Find Your Purpose” which features Dr. Jordan Drumet.

Dr. Santos and Dr. Drumet contend that purpose does not need to be some grand goal or need to save the world. Rather, they view purpose with a “little p” and believe that it is the “seemingly small and everyday actions” that can provide purpose and meaning in our lives. Their perspective on purpose with a “little p” makes the question of purpose much more accessible. They give many real-life examples of “little p” along with practical steps and methods to help individuals find their own “little p’s”. 

We hope you will listen to their podcast AND our discussion of it. In either order. Some of the ideas you will hear in our episode include:

• Our lives do not and should not have one big purpose; it is unrealistic and intimidating;
• “little p” purpose involves following and doing the things that bring you joy and fulfillment; most people have many/multiple “little p’s” in their life;
• The importance of understanding the differences between our “essential” self and our “social” self (as defined by Martha Beck) and the difficulties of truly listening to our “essential” self;
• The danger of losing the sense of joy in an activity or interest when it becomes tied to money or success;
• The pressure to do what we excel at or what comes easiest;
• The benefits of creating/creativity without worrying about the results;
• Resisting the urge to push our children towards a specific path or to force our expectations on to them;
• The process of finding “little p’s” in your life can help everyone, regardless of age, income or status (i.e. not just for the wealthy and privileged) but requires time and patience.
• The idea of a “life review” before you reach your deathbed.