Messy Middlescence

Podcast by Tara (Conti) Bansal and Christina (Conti) Donovan

Messy Middlescence

Like adolescence – "Middlescence" is a time of tremendous change touching most aspects of our lives. There are the physical and hormonal changes but also many of the rhythms, relationships and frameworks that have dominated our lives for decades all start to shift in ways that are unbalancing at best – seismic at worst. Our podcast will explore the challenges and opportunities of these unique “middle” years. However – ours will be different because it is one of sharing, exploring and figuring things out together. It is "messy" because we do not have answers but we hope to discover some. We hope to motivate and / or guide listeners to actively change both their perspective and day-to-day reality of this unique time. We also aim to create a supportive connected community of listeners with similar struggles and questions. We truly hope you will join us!

Latest episodes

25 August 2026

Little p's (Re-release) and The Power of Small Experiments

As we continue to revisit some earlier episodes of Messy Middlescence this summer, we're bringing back an episode from Season #2 called "Little P's." It explores an idea that seems to keep showing up for us: maybe we don't need to figure out one big Purpose for our lives. Maybe we need to pay closer attention to the smaller things that interest us, bring us joy and are curious about.

Tara is currently reading Range by David Epstein, which explores the value of experimenting, trying different things and bringing knowledge and ideas from one area into another. It feels especially relevant today, when there is so much pressure to specialize early and become increasingly good at one particular thing. We encourage our kids to choose their sports, majors and careers, while as adults we can become increasingly comfortable just staying with what we already know and do well.

What if, instead, we allowed ourselves to experiment? Particularly during middlescence, when so much in our lives may already be changing, perhaps we don't need to have everything figured out before deciding what comes next. We can try small things, notice what gives us energy and joy, and use that information to guide us. Think of them as little life experiments.

In the original episode, Tara and Tina discuss a podcast episode from The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos about finding purpose. One of their biggest takeaways was the distinction between finding one big Purpose with a capital P and discovering the many little p purposes that can give our lives more meaning and joy.

Finding one big purpose can feel daunting and overwhelming. Instead, what if we paid attention to the things we enjoy doing, the things that make us lose track of time, or even the things we loved when we were younger? Our little p's don't have to change the world, become a career or make us money. They can simply be things that make our lives richer and more enjoyable.

In this episode, Tara and Tina discuss:

letting go of the pressure to discover one singular purpose;
paying attention to the activities, interests and people that fill us up rather than drain us;
looking back at childhood interests for clues about what might still bring us joy;
using the "spaghetti method" — trying different things and seeing what sticks;
giving ourselves, and our children, permission to explore rather than specialize too quickly;
finding ways to make room for our little p's even when work and other responsibilities consume much of our time.

Perhaps most importantly, we don't have to know where an interest will lead before we pursue it. We can take a class, try a new hobby, pick up the instrument, meet someone new or follow something simply because we're curious.

And then pay attention.

Did you enjoy it? Did it give you energy? Do you want to do it again?

Sometimes the best way to figure out what we want isn't to think about it more. It's to try something and see what happens.

What little life experiment(s) would you like to try?

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06 August 2026

Err on the Side of Presence (Re-release)

We decided the summer break is an ideal time to re-release some earlier Messy Middlescence episodes. Maybe you are a new listener and unfamiliar with our earlier seasons. Or, perhaps you are a long-time listener but some topics may resonate differently if you choose to re-listen.

Our first re-release is the opening episode of Season #2 titled "Err on the Side of Presence". The theme for Season #2 was grief -- in all the different forms it can take and all the different ways it can affect us. The catalyst for this season's theme and opening episode was the very sudden death of a close friend of Tina and her husband. We think this episode has many important messages not just about death and grief but also about living a life full of connection and meaning.

Season #2 of Messy Middlescence begins with a heavy and difficult topic: grief. It may seem like an odd choice for a season opener but Tina’s family and community experienced an unexpected and tragic loss just a few weeks ago. It was a personal reminder that these middlescence years are often full of painful and sorrowful events. We may encounter the loss of — not just older family members — but of friends, neighbors or colleagues. It caused us to think deeply and personally about how do we get through difficult times of grief and loss? How do we help people we care about who have suffered a devastating loss?

This past January, a guest essay was published in The New York Times titled, “Train Yourself to Always Show Up” by Rabbi Sharon Brous. This essay, which is excerpted from her book, The Amen Effect, made a profound impression on both Tara and Tina. It was an article and topic they had planned to discuss in the future, and in light of the recent personal circumstances, the timing felt right to begin the season with these topics.

In this episode, Tina and Tara discuss and explore the beautiful words and ideas from Rabbi Brous’s article, which can act as a guiding light for those in middlescence.

These include:

the importance of fighting the natural instinct to withdraw - regardless of whether you are the one grieving or the one trying to support someone grieving;
the need for community and bearing witness both in joy and in suffering;
how losing a friend differs from losing a family member;
the loss of rituals and traditions around grief in modern society and its implications for both individuals and communities.

This episode is the first of several that will attempt to tackle these difficult and painful topics.

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15 July 2026

MM Season 3 Finale: Connection and Reflections

As we wrap up the third season of Messy Middlescence, Tara and Tina take some time to look back on the conversations, guests, and ideas that stayed with us long after the microphones were turned off.

When we chose "connection" as our theme for Season 3, we knew it would be broad. What we didn't anticipate was just how many different forms connection would take and how timely the topic seems to be in our lives right now. Throughout the season, we explored connection through friendship, grief, creativity, honest conversation, and the importance of hosting and gathering. Alongside those theme-related discussions, we also covered important and informational topics involving money, long-term care, estate planning, life coaching, and health and fitness. Looking back on our season, we are struck not only by the diversity of our guests and our conversations but also by how deeply connection touches every part of our lives.

In this season finale, we reflect on some of our favorite episodes, the conversations that changed us personally, and the ways we've become more intentional about making time for the people who matter most. We also share what surprised us about doing the podcast together, what we've learned from one another over the past three seasons, and what we're hoping to carry with us into the future.

As the conversation turns toward summer, we find ourselves talking about something unexpected: the importance of having something to look forward to each day. It doesn't have to be a vacation or a major milestone. Sometimes it's as simple as a walk outside, a good book, dessert after dinner, or time with someone you love. Those small moments of anticipation and connection may be what help create a life that feels rich and meaningful.

Thank you for spending another season with us. We hope these conversations bring as much meaning and joy to your life as they as do to ours.

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30 June 2026

Shareapy: Real Conversations and Connection

Our season-long theme of “connection” couldn't be more timely. In September of 2025, the Surgeon General declared loneliness and isolation a national epidemic as many people struggle to maintain meaningful social ties. Remote work, social media, and increasing polarization have all contributed to rising loneliness and its impact on both our physical and emotional well-being.

For our final interview of the season, we welcome Scott Kelsey and Christine Passo from Shareapy, a platform that blends modern technology with the timeless practice of honest conversation. Through facilitated virtual gatherings, Shareapy creates a space where people can share openly, listen deeply, and build meaningful connection. It is not a substitute for social interaction or clinical therapy. Instead, it offers another way to strengthen our capacity for conversation—and, in doing so, deepen our connection with ourselves and others.

Rather than offering advice or trying to solve problems, Shareapy creates a welcoming community where people can be honest without pressure to put on a positive face, explain themselves, or immediately find solutions. Its focus on sharing, listening, and thoughtful conversation helps counter the isolation many of us experience in daily life.

In this conversation, we discuss:

Scott and Christine's personal journeys and how those experiences shaped the creation and growth of Shareapy;
Why so many people feel pressured to say they are "okay" when they are not;
How Shareapy creates space for honest conversation and meaningful connection;
Why Shareapy resonates so deeply with many people in midlife, especially Generation X;
What Shareapy is—and what it is not designed to provide.

If you've ever wished for a place where you could simply be yourself, be heard, and know you're not alone, we think you'll find this conversation both encouraging and inspiring.

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16 June 2026

"First Best Destiny": A Conversation with Janet Robertson

If you are not a Star Trek fan, you may not recognize the often-quoted line, “Commanding a starship is your first, best destiny. Anything else… is a waste of material.” Spock says this to Captain Kirk in the 1982 film Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. The quote resonates with anyone searching for their true calling. It highlights the importance of discovering the work you are meant to do—where your passions and skills are perfectly aligned. The luckiest of us, find our “first, best destiny” when we are young and have it as a guiding force for our whole lives. But for many of us, the choices we make when we are young are more often guided by conventional paths of advancement and/or societal pressure. Mid-life becomes an opportunity for these individuals to revisit this idea of one’s “first, best destiny” in their life.

Our guest today, Janet Robertson, references this quote in our conversation, and in many ways, it captures her midlife journey. A brilliant and accomplished electrical engineer, Janet eventually stepped away from her career to care for her family and home. Later, when she was ready to return to work outside the home, she found herself drawn toward a very different path centered around writing, teaching, and creativity. Janet’s journey to her “first, best destiny” was neither straightforward nor easy and involved many years of exploration, uncertainty and hard work.

Although her scientific background remains central to who she is, Janet speaks with real joy and passion about writing, storytelling, teaching, water-color painting and the creative process itself. One of the most beautiful themes from this conversation is Janet’s belief that we are all creatives and that the things we create – whether art, stories, relationships, or even everyday objects – carry meaning and value. Janet’s story is an inspiring and helpful reminder that life is full of second chances to become who we are truly meant to be. Some of the topics discussed today include:

Growing up in Texas and the lessons she learned from her family;
Her lifelong love of learning;
The unexpected joy of finding a writer’s community;
Why she believes creativity is sacred and belongs to all of us;
The abundance of beauty and art in ordinary places;
The emotional and financial realities of stepping away from a traditional career;
Retirement, reinvention and the evolution of long-term relationships.

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54:44

02 June 2026

The Conversations that Matter Most: Estate Planning with Paul Stafford

On a recent walk with a close friend, Tina learned that her friend and her husband had an upcoming appointment to complete their wills. Tina replied how reviewing and updating their wills was something she and her husband wanted to do as well. The friend sheepishly corrected Tina that they were not updating their wills but were actually doing them for the first time. Tina’s friend is in her mid-50’s, highly educated, owns multiple homes and has 3 children in their early 20’s. She explained how they had intended to do their wills since their children were young, but only began the process after pressure from their financial advisor.

Tina was surprised they had not drawn up wills before this but only mildly so. By coincidence, Tara and Tina had just finished a conversation a few days earlier with Paul Stafford, a professional estate planner. Tina realized that her friend was the “real-life person” behind the statistics when it comes to estate planning: most of us know this is something we need to do and yet it is so easy to procrastinate and put off doing it.

In speaking with Paul, it becomes obvious why this happens. Estate planning is the convergence of 3 topics most people have some difficulties with: money, emotions, and the actual realization that you will die. Still, as Paul states quite clearly, “hope is not a plan”. And everyone – no matter your age, net worth or family– needs some form of an estate plan.

The compelling conversation we have with Paul is a little bit practical, a little bit instructional, and extremely motivational. He explains through stories from his own life and decades of professional experiences why it matters to have a say in what happens after you die—and why that clarity is a gift not only to our loved ones but also to yourself. He encourages us to think beyond wills and trusts and ask deeper questions: what has my life meant? What do I hope to pass on? How do I want to care for the people I love after I am gone? What conversations should happen while I still have the chance to have them,

Topics discussed in today's episode include:

- The basic documents every person over 18 should have and the conversations worth having before completing these documents;
- Why estate planning is not just for wealthy families;
- What probate is and why many families hope to avoid it;
- The differences between a will, a revocable (“living”) trust, and an irrevocable trust;
- Why so many estate plans fail to accomplish what people intended;
- The reasons to revisit an estate plan created years or even decades ago;
- How to approach conversations with parents who continue to postpone estate planning;
- The challenges the digital age creates for families after someone dies;
- The value of bringing together your accountant, estate planner, financial planner and other advisors;
- The unique planning considerations that arise when children become legal adults;
- The deeper questions worth asking: what has my life meant; what do I want to pass on; And how do I want to be remembered.

Paul explains that estate planning is ultimately about relationships, legacy and caring for the people we leave behind. The documents matter but they are simply tools that help start important conversations and then hopefully provide guidance to future difficult moments.

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