Messy Middlescence

Podcast by Tara (Conti) Bansal and Christina (Conti) Donovan

Messy Middlescence

Like adolescence – "Middlescence" is a time of tremendous change touching most aspects of our lives. There are the physical and hormonal changes but also many of the rhythms, relationships and frameworks that have dominated our lives for decades all start to shift in ways that are unbalancing at best – seismic at worst. Our podcast will explore the challenges and opportunities of these unique “middle” years. However – ours will be different because it is one of sharing, exploring and figuring things out together. It is "messy" because we do not have answers but we hope to discover some. We hope to motivate and / or guide listeners to actively change both their perspective and day-to-day reality of this unique time. We also aim to create a supportive connected community of listeners with similar struggles and questions. We truly hope you will join us!

Latest episodes

11 November 2025

Carl Richards: A Conversation About Money and Mid-Life

Messy Middlescence is thrilled to share their conversation with Carl Richards.

Carl who? – you might ask.

Tina asked Tara that exact question when Tara – breathless with excitement – informed her over the summer that she had secured an interview with Carl. It turns out Tina did know of him through his 50 Fires podcast (which Tara often refers to here on Messy Middlescence) but was unaware of the VERY BIG DEAL that Carl Richards is in the world of finance/financial advising.

When you listen to the interview today, you will quickly understand why. This 27 minute interview is packed with an amazing amount of story-telling, practical advice, and interesting outlooks and ideas.

Carl Richards is the beloved “Sketch Guy” from The New York Times, a bestselling author, speaker, and host of Behavior Gap Radio and 50 Fires podcasts.

He is also smack in the middle of middle age which is the primary focus of this interview and differentiates our conversation from the many others he has done recently for his new book, Your Money: Reimagining Wealth in 101 Simple Sketches.

Tara and Tina discuss with Carl many of the complex yet common issues of mid-life which showcase his financial insights along with his creative (yet often simple) solutions. Carl has a unique perspective on most things which are guaranteed to make you think.

Some of the topics covered today include:

The most common question Carl receives from successful people as they progress through middle age
Carl’s “Project Half Life”; what it is and its value in Carl’s life
How those approaching retirement can help themselves feel less “stuck”
The concept of having your future (regardless of age) be bigger than your past
The importance of having interests/hobbies/connections beyond work before you retire
How his advice is often simple but not easy; that sometimes the most difficult part is giving yourself permission to think differently
The shifts that mid-life is bringing to Carl
The beauty in breaking things down and starting small regardless of the problem
The recommended first question to ask those close to you about money
And what it really means to live with tension — not trying to solve the mess, but learning to sit within it

With wisdom, humor, and humility, Carl reminds us that “money is just a door to meaning,” and that midlife isn’t an ending — it’s an invitation to start again, one small step at a time.

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31 October 2025

Finding Our Friends Again with Shannon George

We all know that person from high school who seemed infinitely connected — the one everyone knew, everyone liked, and who somehow managed to be everywhere at once. For Tara, that person was her dear friend and former swim-team co-captain, Shannon Douglass (now George).

Tara and Tina invited Shannon to talk about connection as part of this season’s theme, but what unfolded was a conversation about something even more universal — reconnection. Shannon opens up about the ways we can lose touch with friends through family obligations, time constraints, and life transitions, and how hard it can be to rebuild those bonds later in life.

Like so many of us in midlife, Shannon realized, “We’re all looking for our friends again.” Hearing someone so outgoing and social talk about loneliness and rediscovery is both comforting and eye-opening — a reminder that even the most connected among us can feel disconnected at times.

The conversation is both hopeful and deeply encouraging. Shannon shares the small, intentional steps she’s taking to make new connections and rekindle old ones, showing that sometimes all it takes is a simple “yes” to an invitation or an unexpected moment of courage.

Highlights include:

• The trap of thinking “I’m going to have more time” as we get older

• The importance of having local friends separate from family

• The patience and persistence it takes to build lasting friendships

• The many forms of service and how they foster connection

• Shannon’s discovery of Impact 100 and community giving

• Friendship rituals that keep relationships alive

• How easy it can be to reach out — and how hard it can be to actually do it

• The different stages of readiness for reconnecting

• The ways Shannon keeps in touch with her (many!) non-local friends

• The beauty of saying yes to the moment, the person, the invitation

• The power of surprising yourself

Through laughter, honesty, and plenty of real-life wisdom, this conversation reminds us that friendship isn’t about having it all figured out — it’s about continuing to show up and say yes.

Shannon found this song. It is so perfect for this episode that we had to add it here:

"Find Your People" by Drew Holcolmb and the Neighbors

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14 October 2025

Friendship: Holding On and Reaching Out

What comes to mind when you think of friendship?

Has your definition of a good friend changed as you’ve gotten older?

Do different friendships meet different needs?

These are some of the questions sisters Tara and Tina explore in this episode of Messy Middlescence.

More and more research reminds us how vital friendships and social connections are as we age. But how we experience friendship — and what we need from it — shifts over time. Each of us brings our own mix of circumstances, energy, and values to the relationships that sustain us.

Tara and Tina open this season’s theme of Friendship and Connection by sharing their own stories and reflections:

what friendship looks like now, what makes it hard, and why it’s worth the effort.

It’s a thoughtful conversation about the comfort of being known, the vulnerability of reaching out, and the small, steady ways we can keep our friendships — and ourselves — growing.

Episode Highlights

The difference between being friendly and being friends
How a small gesture — a phone number, a walk, a random “yes” — can blossom into a lasting bond
Why time and shared routines help deepen friendships
The quiet value of casual, everyday connections
The rarity (and joy) of finding true couple friendships
The ongoing challenge of finding time to nurture our relationships
The guilt or sadness that can come from feeling there’s no bandwidth for new friends
Using walks or movement to keep friendships as healthy as our bodies
How social media shapes connection differently across generations

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03 October 2025

Back Together for Season 3: Friendship, Fresh Starts & Fall Transitions

After a long summer break, we’re back with Season 3 of Messy Middlescence! This first episode feels a bit like gathering at the kitchen table to catch up after being apart — we swap summer stories, reflect on the bittersweetness of how quickly it all went, and look ahead to the fresh start that fall always seems to bring.

One of the highlights: Tina shares her experience of completing her first-ever triathlon. It pushed her outside her comfort zone and reminded both of us how often, in midlife, we shy away from new challenges. Her story is a lesson in trying something different, facing nerves, and the joy of doing it alongside a friend.

That spirit of connection is what led us to choose our theme for Season 3: friendship and connection. We’ll be exploring the many ways relationships shift in midlife — how they deepen, how they sometimes fade, and why nurturing them matters so much as we move through this stage of life.

We’d love to hear from you, too: What role do friendships play in your life right now? Have you tried something new recently that surprised you? We would love to hear your answers to these questions.

In this episode you’ll hear:

- Why summer can feel both precious and pressured — and what that means in midlife
- How the school year can offer a fresh start for everyone, not just kids
- Tina’s reflections on her first triathlon and the lessons it taught about trying new things, facing fears, and leaning on friends
- Our reveal of Season 3’s theme — friendship and connection — and a look at the conversations to come

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24 June 2025

Season 2 Finale: Reflections, Growth and Gratitude

It’s June! Tara and Tina are ready for swimsuits, sunscreen, and slower days. But before they head to the beach, they want to bring their second season of Messy Middlescence to a close. This season finale has no fireworks, cliffhangers or special guests. Just two sisters sitting down to process what this season has meant to them.

In this short but heartfelt finale, they look back on the 20 (!!) episodes of Season 2 and discuss their favorite episodes, the moments that moved them, and the conversations that made them laugh, cry, and grow. They also share some behind-the-scenes information, talk listener growth, and dream aloud about what’s ahead for Season 3. This episode is as much about looking back as it is about looking ahead—with gratitude, perspective, and hope. If you’re in your own season of change or reflection, we hope it helps you feel seen, inspired, and ready for summer.

🎧 Highlights include:

The success of using a theme throughout the season and how that allowed us to delve deep into a topic but still explore and discuss other issues and ideas.
The continual presence of grief and loss in our lives.
The episodes that made us laugh the hardest and cry the most.
Why Anne Marie Lockmyer’s insights were a game-changer—and why Steve Toman’s episode was the perfect season closer
The evolving rhythm and confidence in our podcasting process
Why listener connection and feedback matter more to us than downloads
What we’re hoping to explore next (hint: “elder-essence” might be on the horizon!)
Summer intentions: from triathlon training and beach weeks to fresh tomatoes and Great Gatsby rereads
The bittersweet beauty of this phase of life—and how Messy Middlescence helps us feel a little less alone

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10 June 2025

Chance Encounters and Brave Pivots with Steve Toman

What happens when the career you’ve built for 30 years suddenly and unexpectedly ends—and you’re not ready to retire?

In this episode of Messy Middlescence, we talk with our longtime friend Steve Toman about the unexpected turns of midlife and what it means to find purpose again. From mortgage banking to EMT training to smoking brisket at 4 a.m., Steve shares how listening to his interests opened up a whole new season of meaning, joy and contribution.

What shines most in this conversation is Steve’s unwavering love and admiration for his wife Kelly, his pride in their three daughters, and his desire to continue contributing—not just to a workplace, but to his community and family. His story is a reminder that the small choices, chance encounters, and brave pivots we make in midlife can have powerful, unexpected, and lasting impact.

Episode Highlights:

Steve shares his winding journey from a global childhood and decades in mortgage banking to a fulfilling and unexpected midlife reinvention.
He opens up about being downsized in his 50s, working through identity loss, and rediscovering purpose as an EMT volunteer and barbecue pitmaster.
His deep love and admiration for his wife Kelly—and the strength of their partnership—shine through as he reflects on navigating life’s many transitions together.
He discusses the emotional realities of retirement planning, letting go as his daughters grow up, and how staying active and engaged helps him feel useful and connected.
Steve emphasizes the importance of both financial preparation and staying open to surprise—how a roadside sign or casual joke can spark a new chapter.
He reflects on the legacy of his parents’ retirement planning and shares the values he hopes to pass on to his daughters.
Travel, service, curiosity, and community emerge as key ingredients in Steve’s “semi-retirement”—a season of contribution, discovery, and unexpected joy.

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