Messy Middlescence

Podcast by Tara (Conti) Bansal and Christina (Conti) Donovan

Messy Middlescence

Like adolescence – "Middlescence" is a time of tremendous change touching most aspects of our lives. There are the physical and hormonal changes but also many of the rhythms, relationships and frameworks that have dominated our lives for decades all start to shift in ways that are unbalancing at best – seismic at worst. Our podcast will explore the challenges and opportunities of these unique “middle” years. However – ours will be different because it is one of sharing, exploring and figuring things out together. It is "messy" because we do not have answers but we hope to discover some. We hope to motivate and / or guide listeners to actively change both their perspective and day-to-day reality of this unique time. We also aim to create a supportive connected community of listeners with similar struggles and questions. We truly hope you will join us!

Latest episodes

31 October 2025

Finding Our Friends Again with Shannon George

We all know that person from high school who seemed infinitely connected — the one everyone knew, everyone liked, and who somehow managed to be everywhere at once. For Tara, that person was her dear friend and former swim-team co-captain, Shannon Douglass (now George).

Tara and Tina invited Shannon to talk about connection as part of this season’s theme, but what unfolded was a conversation about something even more universal — reconnection. Shannon opens up about the ways we can lose touch with friends through family obligations, time constraints, and life transitions, and how hard it can be to rebuild those bonds later in life.

Like so many of us in midlife, Shannon realized, “We’re all looking for our friends again.” Hearing someone so outgoing and social talk about loneliness and rediscovery is both comforting and eye-opening — a reminder that even the most connected among us can feel disconnected at times.

The conversation is both hopeful and deeply encouraging. Shannon shares the small, intentional steps she’s taking to make new connections and rekindle old ones, showing that sometimes all it takes is a simple “yes” to an invitation or an unexpected moment of courage.

Highlights include:

• The trap of thinking “I’m going to have more time” as we get older

• The importance of having local friends separate from family

• The patience and persistence it takes to build lasting friendships

• The many forms of service and how they foster connection

• Shannon’s discovery of Impact 100 and community giving

• Friendship rituals that keep relationships alive

• How easy it can be to reach out — and how hard it can be to actually do it

• The different stages of readiness for reconnecting

• The ways Shannon keeps in touch with her (many!) non-local friends

• The beauty of saying yes to the moment, the person, the invitation

• The power of surprising yourself

Through laughter, honesty, and plenty of real-life wisdom, this conversation reminds us that friendship isn’t about having it all figured out — it’s about continuing to show up and say yes.

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14 October 2025

Friendship: Holding On and Reaching Out

What comes to mind when you think of friendship?

Has your definition of a good friend changed as you’ve gotten older?

Do different friendships meet different needs?

These are some of the questions sisters Tara and Tina explore in this episode of Messy Middlescence.

More and more research reminds us how vital friendships and social connections are as we age. But how we experience friendship — and what we need from it — shifts over time. Each of us brings our own mix of circumstances, energy, and values to the relationships that sustain us.

Tara and Tina open this season’s theme of Friendship and Connection by sharing their own stories and reflections:

what friendship looks like now, what makes it hard, and why it’s worth the effort.

It’s a thoughtful conversation about the comfort of being known, the vulnerability of reaching out, and the small, steady ways we can keep our friendships — and ourselves — growing.

Episode Highlights

The difference between being friendly and being friends
How a small gesture — a phone number, a walk, a random “yes” — can blossom into a lasting bond
Why time and shared routines help deepen friendships
The quiet value of casual, everyday connections
The rarity (and joy) of finding true couple friendships
The ongoing challenge of finding time to nurture our relationships
The guilt or sadness that can come from feeling there’s no bandwidth for new friends
Using walks or movement to keep friendships as healthy as our bodies
How social media shapes connection differently across generations

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38:23

03 October 2025

Back Together for Season 3: Friendship, Fresh Starts & Fall Transitions

After a long summer break, we’re back with Season 3 of Messy Middlescence! This first episode feels a bit like gathering at the kitchen table to catch up after being apart — we swap summer stories, reflect on the bittersweetness of how quickly it all went, and look ahead to the fresh start that fall always seems to bring.

One of the highlights: Tina shares her experience of completing her first-ever triathlon. It pushed her outside her comfort zone and reminded both of us how often, in midlife, we shy away from new challenges. Her story is a lesson in trying something different, facing nerves, and the joy of doing it alongside a friend.

That spirit of connection is what led us to choose our theme for Season 3: friendship and connection. We’ll be exploring the many ways relationships shift in midlife — how they deepen, how they sometimes fade, and why nurturing them matters so much as we move through this stage of life.

We’d love to hear from you, too: What role do friendships play in your life right now? Have you tried something new recently that surprised you? We would love to hear your answers to these questions.

In this episode you’ll hear:

- Why summer can feel both precious and pressured — and what that means in midlife
- How the school year can offer a fresh start for everyone, not just kids
- Tina’s reflections on her first triathlon and the lessons it taught about trying new things, facing fears, and leaning on friends
- Our reveal of Season 3’s theme — friendship and connection — and a look at the conversations to come

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32:29

24 June 2025

Season 2 Finale: Reflections, Growth and Gratitude

It’s June! Tara and Tina are ready for swimsuits, sunscreen, and slower days. But before they head to the beach, they want to bring their second season of Messy Middlescence to a close. This season finale has no fireworks, cliffhangers or special guests. Just two sisters sitting down to process what this season has meant to them.

In this short but heartfelt finale, they look back on the 20 (!!) episodes of Season 2 and discuss their favorite episodes, the moments that moved them, and the conversations that made them laugh, cry, and grow. They also share some behind-the-scenes information, talk listener growth, and dream aloud about what’s ahead for Season 3. This episode is as much about looking back as it is about looking ahead—with gratitude, perspective, and hope. If you’re in your own season of change or reflection, we hope it helps you feel seen, inspired, and ready for summer.

🎧 Highlights include:

The success of using a theme throughout the season and how that allowed us to delve deep into a topic but still explore and discuss other issues and ideas.
The continual presence of grief and loss in our lives.
The episodes that made us laugh the hardest and cry the most.
Why Anne Marie Lockmyer’s insights were a game-changer—and why Steve Toman’s episode was the perfect season closer
The evolving rhythm and confidence in our podcasting process
Why listener connection and feedback matter more to us than downloads
What we’re hoping to explore next (hint: “elder-essence” might be on the horizon!)
Summer intentions: from triathlon training and beach weeks to fresh tomatoes and Great Gatsby rereads
The bittersweet beauty of this phase of life—and how Messy Middlescence helps us feel a little less alone

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36:09

10 June 2025

Chance Encounters and Brave Pivots with Steve Toman

What happens when the career you’ve built for 30 years suddenly and unexpectedly ends—and you’re not ready to retire?

In this episode of Messy Middlescence, we talk with our longtime friend Steve Toman about the unexpected turns of midlife and what it means to find purpose again. From mortgage banking to EMT training to smoking brisket at 4 a.m., Steve shares how listening to his interests opened up a whole new season of meaning, joy and contribution.

What shines most in this conversation is Steve’s unwavering love and admiration for his wife Kelly, his pride in their three daughters, and his desire to continue contributing—not just to a workplace, but to his community and family. His story is a reminder that the small choices, chance encounters, and brave pivots we make in midlife can have powerful, unexpected, and lasting impact.

Episode Highlights:

Steve shares his winding journey from a global childhood and decades in mortgage banking to a fulfilling and unexpected midlife reinvention.
He opens up about being downsized in his 50s, working through identity loss, and rediscovering purpose as an EMT volunteer and barbecue pitmaster.
His deep love and admiration for his wife Kelly—and the strength of their partnership—shine through as he reflects on navigating life’s many transitions together.
He discusses the emotional realities of retirement planning, letting go as his daughters grow up, and how staying active and engaged helps him feel useful and connected.
Steve emphasizes the importance of both financial preparation and staying open to surprise—how a roadside sign or casual joke can spark a new chapter.
He reflects on the legacy of his parents’ retirement planning and shares the values he hopes to pass on to his daughters.
Travel, service, curiosity, and community emerge as key ingredients in Steve’s “semi-retirement”—a season of contribution, discovery, and unexpected joy.

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28 May 2025

Legacy, Luck, and Learning to Do Hard Things with Tim Conti

Last holiday season, Tara and Tina found themselves laughing over an ad for one of those quirky “Family Questions” games. One sample question stood out: “Who in your family would you ask for help if you needed to bury a body?” Without hesitation - and independently - we both came up with the same answer – our younger brother, Tim.

This may sound like an odd way to introduce Tim and our discussion with him --but it perfectly captures Tim’s unique personality and skill set. He’s the sibling you call in a pinch - resourceful, unflappable, and endlessly loyal.

Tim is the 5th of our 7 siblings (and coincidentally the 5th sibling to be interviewed on Messy Middlescence) and he very recently turned 51. Tim is a problem solver, a people person of the highest order, a hilarious storyteller, goal-oriented, and, yes, famously stubborn. In our family he is known for saying “I know a guy…” or “I have a buddy…” always leading into either a wild story or an impressive display of his vast network of friends and colleagues.

We are excited to talk with Tim about his middlescence journey and to give our Messy Middlescence audience the opportunity to get to know him. Some of the topics we delve into with Tim include the following:

Tim’s circuitous journey to a rewarding and successful career;
The important skills he learned in his non-career jobs which ultimately set him up for success in his career;
A lively debate on the importance of luck/chance in any career;
His desire to volunteer and devote more time to his many interests when he retires;
The key lessons he has learned thus far which made a huge impact on his life including the need to prioritize what is important and learning how to do the hard things we would rather avoid;
Pride in his family and their beautiful, messy “differences”.
How middle age has shifted his goals to be more about his children and retirement
The difficulties of the physical changes that occur in middle age; he simply can’t athletically do what he did 10 years ago;
His thoughts on retirement; how he will likely not stop working completely but transition to a less stressful job.

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48:52