Messy Middlescence

Podcast by Tara (Conti) Bansal and Christina (Conti) Donovan

Messy Middlescence

Like adolescence – "Middlescence" is a time of tremendous change touching most aspects of our lives. There are the physical and hormonal changes but also many of the rhythms, relationships and frameworks that have dominated our lives for decades all start to shift in ways that are unbalancing at best – seismic at worst. Our podcast will explore the challenges and opportunities of these unique “middle” years. However – ours will be different because it is one of sharing, exploring and figuring things out together. It is "messy" because we do not have answers but we hope to discover some. We hope to motivate and / or guide listeners to actively change both their perspective and day-to-day reality of this unique time. We also aim to create a supportive connected community of listeners with similar struggles and questions. We truly hope you will join us!

Latest episodes

06 August 2026

Err on the Side of Presence (Re-release)

We decided the summer break is an ideal time to re-release some earlier Messy Middlescence episodes. Maybe you are a new listener and unfamiliar with our earlier seasons. Or, perhaps you are a long-time listener but some topics may resonate differently if you choose to re-listen.

Our first re-release is the opening episode of Season #2 titled "Err on the Side of Presence". The theme for Season #2 was grief -- in all the different forms it can take and all the different ways it can affect us. The catalyst for this season's theme and opening episode was the very sudden death of a close friend of Tina and her husband. We think this episode has many important messages not just about death and grief but also about living a life full of connection and meaning.

Season #2 of Messy Middlescence begins with a heavy and difficult topic: grief. It may seem like an odd choice for a season opener but Tina’s family and community experienced an unexpected and tragic loss just a few weeks ago. It was a personal reminder that these middlescence years are often full of painful and sorrowful events. We may encounter the loss of — not just older family members — but of friends, neighbors or colleagues. It caused us to think deeply and personally about how do we get through difficult times of grief and loss? How do we help people we care about who have suffered a devastating loss?

This past January, a guest essay was published in The New York Times titled, “Train Yourself to Always Show Up” by Rabbi Sharon Brous. This essay, which is excerpted from her book, The Amen Effect, made a profound impression on both Tara and Tina. It was an article and topic they had planned to discuss in the future, and in light of the recent personal circumstances, the timing felt right to begin the season with these topics.

In this episode, Tina and Tara discuss and explore the beautiful words and ideas from Rabbi Brous’s article, which can act as a guiding light for those in middlescence.

These include:

the importance of fighting the natural instinct to withdraw - regardless of whether you are the one grieving or the one trying to support someone grieving;
the need for community and bearing witness both in joy and in suffering;
how losing a friend differs from losing a family member;
the loss of rituals and traditions around grief in modern society and its implications for both individuals and communities.

This episode is the first of several that will attempt to tackle these difficult and painful topics.

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15 July 2026

MM Season 3 Finale: Connection and Reflections

As we wrap up the third season of Messy Middlescence, Tara and Tina take some time to look back on the conversations, guests, and ideas that stayed with us long after the microphones were turned off.

When we chose "connection" as our theme for Season 3, we knew it would be broad. What we didn't anticipate was just how many different forms connection would take and how timely the topic seems to be in our lives right now. Throughout the season, we explored connection through friendship, grief, creativity, honest conversation, and the importance of hosting and gathering. Alongside those theme-related discussions, we also covered important and informational topics involving money, long-term care, estate planning, life coaching, and health and fitness. Looking back on our season, we are struck not only by the diversity of our guests and our conversations but also by how deeply connection touches every part of our lives.

In this season finale, we reflect on some of our favorite episodes, the conversations that changed us personally, and the ways we've become more intentional about making time for the people who matter most. We also share what surprised us about doing the podcast together, what we've learned from one another over the past three seasons, and what we're hoping to carry with us into the future.

As the conversation turns toward summer, we find ourselves talking about something unexpected: the importance of having something to look forward to each day. It doesn't have to be a vacation or a major milestone. Sometimes it's as simple as a walk outside, a good book, dessert after dinner, or time with someone you love. Those small moments of anticipation and connection may be what help create a life that feels rich and meaningful.

Thank you for spending another season with us. We hope these conversations bring as much meaning and joy to your life as they as do to ours.

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30 June 2026

Shareapy: Real Conversations and Connection

Our season-long theme of “connection” couldn't be more timely. In September of 2025, the Surgeon General declared loneliness and isolation a national epidemic as many people struggle to maintain meaningful social ties. Remote work, social media, and increasing polarization have all contributed to rising loneliness and its impact on both our physical and emotional well-being.

For our final interview of the season, we welcome Scott Kelsey and Christine Passo from Shareapy, a platform that blends modern technology with the timeless practice of honest conversation. Through facilitated virtual gatherings, Shareapy creates a space where people can share openly, listen deeply, and build meaningful connection. It is not a substitute for social interaction or clinical therapy. Instead, it offers another way to strengthen our capacity for conversation—and, in doing so, deepen our connection with ourselves and others.

Rather than offering advice or trying to solve problems, Shareapy creates a welcoming community where people can be honest without pressure to put on a positive face, explain themselves, or immediately find solutions. Its focus on sharing, listening, and thoughtful conversation helps counter the isolation many of us experience in daily life.

In this conversation, we discuss:

Scott and Christine's personal journeys and how those experiences shaped the creation and growth of Shareapy;
Why so many people feel pressured to say they are "okay" when they are not;
How Shareapy creates space for honest conversation and meaningful connection;
Why Shareapy resonates so deeply with many people in midlife, especially Generation X;
What Shareapy is—and what it is not designed to provide.

If you've ever wished for a place where you could simply be yourself, be heard, and know you're not alone, we think you'll find this conversation both encouraging and inspiring.

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16 June 2026

"First Best Destiny": A Conversation with Janet Robertson

If you are not a Star Trek fan, you may not recognize the often-quoted line, “Commanding a starship is your first, best destiny. Anything else… is a waste of material.” Spock says this to Captain Kirk in the 1982 film Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. The quote resonates with anyone searching for their true calling. It highlights the importance of discovering the work you are meant to do—where your passions and skills are perfectly aligned. The luckiest of us, find our “first, best destiny” when we are young and have it as a guiding force for our whole lives. But for many of us, the choices we make when we are young are more often guided by conventional paths of advancement and/or societal pressure. Mid-life becomes an opportunity for these individuals to revisit this idea of one’s “first, best destiny” in their life.

Our guest today, Janet Robertson, references this quote in our conversation, and in many ways, it captures her midlife journey. A brilliant and accomplished electrical engineer, Janet eventually stepped away from her career to care for her family and home. Later, when she was ready to return to work outside the home, she found herself drawn toward a very different path centered around writing, teaching, and creativity. Janet’s journey to her “first, best destiny” was neither straightforward nor easy and involved many years of exploration, uncertainty and hard work.

Although her scientific background remains central to who she is, Janet speaks with real joy and passion about writing, storytelling, teaching, water-color painting and the creative process itself. One of the most beautiful themes from this conversation is Janet’s belief that we are all creatives and that the things we create – whether art, stories, relationships, or even everyday objects – carry meaning and value. Janet’s story is an inspiring and helpful reminder that life is full of second chances to become who we are truly meant to be. Some of the topics discussed today include:

Growing up in Texas and the lessons she learned from her family;
Her lifelong love of learning;
The unexpected joy of finding a writer’s community;
Why she believes creativity is sacred and belongs to all of us;
The abundance of beauty and art in ordinary places;
The emotional and financial realities of stepping away from a traditional career;
Retirement, reinvention and the evolution of long-term relationships.

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02 June 2026

The Conversations that Matter Most: Estate Planning with Paul Stafford

On a recent walk with a close friend, Tina learned that her friend and her husband had an upcoming appointment to complete their wills. Tina replied how reviewing and updating their wills was something she and her husband wanted to do as well. The friend sheepishly corrected Tina that they were not updating their wills but were actually doing them for the first time. Tina’s friend is in her mid-50’s, highly educated, owns multiple homes and has 3 children in their early 20’s. She explained how they had intended to do their wills since their children were young, but only began the process after pressure from their financial advisor.

Tina was surprised they had not drawn up wills before this but only mildly so. By coincidence, Tara and Tina had just finished a conversation a few days earlier with Paul Stafford, a professional estate planner. Tina realized that her friend was the “real-life person” behind the statistics when it comes to estate planning: most of us know this is something we need to do and yet it is so easy to procrastinate and put off doing it.

In speaking with Paul, it becomes obvious why this happens. Estate planning is the convergence of 3 topics most people have some difficulties with: money, emotions, and the actual realization that you will die. Still, as Paul states quite clearly, “hope is not a plan”. And everyone – no matter your age, net worth or family– needs some form of an estate plan.

The compelling conversation we have with Paul is a little bit practical, a little bit instructional, and extremely motivational. He explains through stories from his own life and decades of professional experiences why it matters to have a say in what happens after you die—and why that clarity is a gift not only to our loved ones but also to yourself. He encourages us to think beyond wills and trusts and ask deeper questions: what has my life meant? What do I hope to pass on? How do I want to care for the people I love after I am gone? What conversations should happen while I still have the chance to have them,

Topics discussed in today's episode include:

- The basic documents every person over 18 should have and the conversations worth having before completing these documents;
- Why estate planning is not just for wealthy families;
- What probate is and why many families hope to avoid it;
- The differences between a will, a revocable (“living”) trust, and an irrevocable trust;
- Why so many estate plans fail to accomplish what people intended;
- The reasons to revisit an estate plan created years or even decades ago;
- How to approach conversations with parents who continue to postpone estate planning;
- The challenges the digital age creates for families after someone dies;
- The value of bringing together your accountant, estate planner, financial planner and other advisors;
- The unique planning considerations that arise when children become legal adults;
- The deeper questions worth asking: what has my life meant; what do I want to pass on; And how do I want to be remembered.

Paul explains that estate planning is ultimately about relationships, legacy and caring for the people we leave behind. The documents matter but they are simply tools that help start important conversations and then hopefully provide guidance to future difficult moments.

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19 May 2026

Broken Open: Grief, Healing, and Hope with Linda Henderson

After losing her daughter Andrea in a tragic car accident, Linda Henderson found herself navigating every parent’s worst nightmare.

In this deeply moving conversation, Linda shares her journey through grief, love, healing, and hope. A nurse for 37 years, Linda had spent much of her life caring for others through illness and loss. But nothing could have prepared her for the sudden death of her 27-year-old daughter — who was a mother, social worker, writer, animal lover, and deeply loved daughter and sister.

Years later, Linda wrote her book, The Road of Love and Hope: The Journey of Child Loss, as a way to share her grief story, honor her daughter’s life, and help others feel less alone in their own grief journey. In the episode, she talks about how writing and sharing her story ultimately became part of her healing.

Linda speaks honestly about the early days of grief — the shock, the depression, the inability to function, and the tiny “baby steps” that slowly helped her begin rebuilding her life again. One of the things that stayed with us most was her reminder that healing sometimes starts with incredibly small wins: taking a shower, stepping outside, drinking water, or going for a walk.

She also talks about the ways she continues to honor Andrea and keep her part of everyday life — through storytelling, family traditions, gardening, writing, and helping others navigate grief themselves. Rather than “moving on,” Linda shares what it looks like to carry love forward.

This conversation felt especially personal and emotional for us. We had already planned to have Linda on the show and had recently finished reading her book when a sixth grader in Tara’s community tragically died in a bike accident. Reading Linda’s story while witnessing another family’s unimaginable loss made this conversation feel heartbreakingly real. As parents, it is impossible not to feel the weight of that kind of unimaginable grief.

And yet, despite the heaviness of this topic, there is also so much hope in it.

Linda reminds us that grief exists because of love. That healing is not linear and is different for everyone. That helping others can become part of healing ourselves. And that even in brokenness, beauty, meaning, and connection can still be present.

Episode Highlights

Linda shares the story of losing her daughter Andrea in a tragic car accident
The difference between grief “existing” and truly grieving
Why grief becomes part of us rather than something we “finish”
The importance of tiny achievable steps during deep grief
Journaling, counseling, nature, and walking as healing tools
How Linda continues to honor Andrea through various rituals and traditions
How and why Linda wrote her book, The Road of Love and Hope: The Journey of Child Loss
The healing power of helping others and telling our stories
How grief changes identity, priorities, and perspective
Why love continues long after death

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