The Conversations that Matter Most: Estate Planning with Paul Stafford

On a recent walk with a close friend, Tina learned that her friend and her husband had an upcoming appointment to complete their wills. Tina replied how reviewing and updating their wills was something she and her husband wanted to do as well. The friend sheepishly corrected Tina that they were not updating their wills but were actually doing them for the first time. Tina’s friend is in her mid-50’s, highly educated, owns multiple homes and has 3 children in their early 20’s. She explained how they had intended to do their wills since their children were young, but only began the process after pressure from their financial advisor.

Tina was surprised they had not drawn up wills before this but only mildly so. By coincidence, Tara and Tina had just finished a conversation a few days earlier with Paul Stafford, a professional estate planner. Tina realized that her friend was the “real-life person” behind the statistics when it comes to estate planning: most of us know this is something we need to do and yet it is so easy to procrastinate and put off doing it.

In speaking with Paul, it becomes obvious why this happens. Estate planning is the convergence of 3 topics most people have some difficulties with: money, emotions, and the actual realization that you will die. Still, as Paul states quite clearly, “hope is not a plan”. And everyone – no matter your age, net worth or family– needs some form of an estate plan.

The compelling conversation we have with Paul is a little bit practical, a little bit instructional, and extremely motivational. He explains through stories from his own life and decades of professional experiences why it matters to have a say in what happens after you die—and why that clarity is a gift not only to our loved ones but also to yourself. He encourages us to think beyond wills and trusts and ask deeper questions: what has my life meant? What do I hope to pass on? How do I want to care for the people I love after I am gone? What conversations should happen while I still have the chance to have them,

Topics discussed in today's episode include:

• • The basic documents every person over 18 should have and the conversations worth having before completing these documents;
  • Why estate planning is not just for wealthy families;
  • What probate is and why many families hope to avoid it;
  • The differences between a will, a revocable (“living”) trust, and an irrevocable trust;
  • Why so many estate plans fail to accomplish what people intended;
  • The reasons to revisit an estate plan created years or even decades ago;
  • How to approach conversations with parents who continue to postpone estate planning;
  • The challenges the digital age creates for families after someone dies;
  • The value of bringing together your accountant, estate planner, financial planner and other advisors;
  • The unique planning considerations that arise when children become legal adults;
  • The deeper questions worth asking: what has my life meant; what do I want to pass on; And how do I want to be remembered.

Paul explains that estate planning is ultimately about relationships, legacy and caring for the people we leave behind. The documents matter but they are simply tools that help start important conversations and then hopefully provide guidance to future difficult moments.