Err on the Side of Presence (Re-release)

We decided the summer break is an ideal time to re-release some earlier Messy Middlescence episodes. Maybe you are a new listener and unfamiliar with our earlier seasons. Or, perhaps you are a long-time listener but some topics may resonate differently if you choose to re-listen.

Our first re-release is the opening episode of Season #2 titled "Err on the Side of Presence". The theme for Season #2 was grief -- in all the different forms it can take and all the different ways it can affect us. The catalyst for this season's theme and opening episode was the very sudden death of a close friend of Tina and her husband. We think this episode has many important messages not just about death and grief but also about living a life full of connection and meaning.

Season #2 of Messy Middlescence begins with a heavy and difficult topic: grief. It may seem like an odd choice for a season opener but Tina’s family and community experienced an unexpected and tragic loss just a few weeks ago. It was a personal reminder that these middlescence years are often full of painful and sorrowful events. We may encounter the loss of — not just older family members — but of friends, neighbors or colleagues. It caused us to think deeply and personally about how do we get through difficult times of grief and loss? How do we help people we care about who have suffered a devastating loss?

This past January, a guest essay was published in The New York Times titled, “Train Yourself to Always Show Up” by Rabbi Sharon Brous. This essay, which is excerpted from her book, The Amen Effect, made a profound impression on both Tara and Tina. It was an article and topic they had planned to discuss in the future, and in light of the recent personal circumstances, the timing felt right to begin the season with these topics.

In this episode, Tina and Tara discuss and explore the beautiful words and ideas from Rabbi Brous’s article, which can act as a guiding light for those in middlescence.

These include:

• the importance of fighting the natural instinct to withdraw - regardless of whether you are the one grieving or the one trying to support someone grieving;
• the need for community and bearing witness both in joy and in suffering;
• how losing a friend differs from losing a family member;
• the loss of rituals and traditions around grief in modern society and its implications for both individuals and communities.

This episode is the first of several that will attempt to tackle these difficult and painful topics.